Seeking Refuge

          
            Moon was full that night, the night which i found myself in a pothole, hiding my face from humiliation. I was alone, the darkness of the night crept around me with only sounds of the dangerous forest. They were ought to get me, for punishment against my curiosity of the knowledge hidden in this world. The people of  my own village cursed me by words that cannot escaped my actions which they called sins. Hunted like animals, i was chased to the forest where i selflessly hid between the trees. I needed to get out of this misery, this chaos which i regretted for being myself, dare not to look at my own face. Where should i run? How could i tore up this disgusting mask? "You are not alone, for He will help you find your true image, if you really seek His help...." , the voice was coming from everywhere, but that's impossible, was i losing my mind? 


              I couldn't sleep that night until dusk brought the light of the sun through the forest, chasing away the darkness like a horse being whip away. My body was too weak, i couldn't even stretch my legs. "I think i hear someone, it could be him. Come, bring out the dogs", Oh! no, they found me, i thought i was able to get a day ahead, i'm lost, without any directions nor the energy to run, i'm hopeless. "He will help you if you accept the truth of His guidance", that voice again, could i trust Him? I've no choice, lead me the way. I started to run, to a path where i didn't know the end, ran where my  two feet took me. Suddenly, a river was nearby, which was shocking as i didn't even stumble nor hear any sound of the water when i was searching for an escape. Is this a trick, an illusion?


             "I think we're close, i can see footprints up ahead. We got him now, murderer", right at that time i realized that i'm cornered, which way should choose, a river which would bring me to another dead end, or face my punishment without even understanding the meaning of my 'sins'. Okay, here i go, splassshhh!!! Fortunately, this small log could be handy, i should just hold on to it until i could find a safe place to escape. "Hey, you guys, did you check the river? He may make a break for it", "Are you sure? I don't see anything, just some branches & logs, or your eyes are plying tricks with you. We almost had him, for the past 2 months, still, he managed to outrun us. Let's regroup, we need to stay alive if we want to catch this 'monster'", with my fast improvising, i engineered a disguise by being underwater while clinging to this log. I knew it would come in handy. 


                As the current pulled me away further downstream, i knew i would succeed in running away, but when could i get off? Still, with the need of food & water, my body couldn't stand a whole full day, i needed to get ashore. ssshhhh...SSSHHHH.... Why would the sound of the river getting louder? Wait! I didn't expect this, i had to swim fast, but my legs couldn't move an inch, NOOOOOO! How could i didn't see this big waterfall right in front of me? Well, this fall will surely end my escape, with this, i thanked Him. That was the moment i knew that death was just around the corner, well, around the waterfall if you put in perspective. My vision was getting blurry due to my sharp fall. Goodbye, & thank you. SPLASSSHHH!!! 


               Eh! The fall brought me in a dream, where i was confused with death & rebirth, I saw my every memories fading away into a black hole, which left me alone in the darkness. Then, a light shone through me & a voice was spoken with a deep tone, "Pray to Him, find the truth that you seek, & redemption you must take", how can i seek this man you're saying? Who are you? I couldn't let out those questions in my head, nor i could stop hearing the voice. As i was seeking a way out in the abyss, "I think he's breathing, thank you Allah we managed to save him in time", I was saved, by a man wearing a distinguishable robe. But who's sitting next to him? A girl? "Really? Then, let's take him to the healers' inn. He should rest there". I couldn't move at all, as they took me with them to their city they called 'home'. Was that fate or coincidence......     
                 

Love Story Part Finale Part 2 (A Regret)

Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “None of you is truly a believer until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” [Muslim]

                           "Thanks Kamal. See you for the next medical check-up. Salam", the woman moved to the lift to go to her car. She turned again, "Sure, just remember to make an appointment with that doctor next time, i can't be there every time, you know my department is the another side of the building. I can accompany you occasionally. Sorry, so be careful, next time bring your parents with you. You know your condition, Amirah", she laughed as if it was a joke, "It's okay, i'm standing aren't i? See you later", "Salam, my dear". She went home realizing it is still early in the morning, so she went to her workplace for work, "Salam people of 'Inner Beauty', i'm home!". "Salam, Amirah, i thought you were at the hospital for your monthly check up? What are you doing.....", she hugged her friend & smiled, "It's okay, the doc said i'm find, the lump is just a small one, thanks Allah they found it early last year, all i have to do is just see them monthly & take some medication. But the doc asked for me to relax a bit & take a vacation, so can i? Tomorrow?"

                        Her friend, Putri Riza, who was also the owner of the boutique shook her head with Amirah strong-will. "If you want to take a week vacation, i would give, but just a week" they both laughed while cleaning & preparing the shop for the customers. "Ring! Ring!....", "Amirah, your phones ringing, i told you to change the ring tone, it's so boring", "Yes, yes, i know. Salam, Kamal, did i left something?". He moved to his window with a very deep gaze to the river next to the hospital, "Did you tell Danial yet? About your condition? Does he know anything? I think you should tell him at least that you're getting the surgery end of this year", "Well, when the time comes, i'll tell him everything, okay? Don't worry about me, i will be fine, i've gone through a lot more than this. Allah's always with me, so, at the time's right, he will too'. "I hope you know what you're doing, i leave everything to you, send my salam to Riza. Salam, take care", a couple of tears just rolled down as she stopped the call. 

                              "Wow alhamdulillah, this morning is so good, thanks to Riza, i got the day off. I hope he's not late this time", as she was staring through the window with a novel on her hand. As Danial came & took the time to talk with the parents, "Salam, Dan, thanks for coming, so, how's the interview?", " They say i've got good points, but they'll contact me next week", As he was trying to figure out his & Amirah's relationship, she was also trying to get the words out of her mouth, "Should i say something? Maybe just about cancer, or rather just about the medical check-ups? The truth is i really want him to be there at the time of surgery. What am i thinking?", "So, that's my answer, i have nothing more for you. Because i know you'll find a better answer, you always one step in front. So, i'll take my leave now. Sorry for the disturbance, Salam". She was shocked, she couldn't have time to react, same went for her parents with that unexpected confession. "It couldn't end this way, i got to try,.... Wait! Let me walked you both out. You came, as a host, let me"

                           As she was trying slide in the news about her disease, she was confused herself about him, 'what is he trying to say?', "I hope you'll not regret with your decision. Well, it's been a long time i've seen your serious face, the last time was when you're working hard for your boxing tournament. That's when i fell in love with you". They stopped walking, time froze at that instant. "I thought i was kinda lost for awhile, dreaming like a normal teenager, finding love like they say. But, you were just too dense, you can't see anything but yourself. That's why i tried to find a new protector that can be there with me always. Now, like you said, i did find Him, and He showed me something that you can't, but he wanted me to have someone that can help me along the way. At that time, i thought it was Kamal, but it just doesn't add up, especially when he already got a partner to lead her to the everlasting destiny". 

                          "I'm sorry, but i really can't be that guy to lead you, i'm not that strong....", "But.... What's he apologizing for? He's not that weak, i'm praying for you, i want you to be there with me there too, Allah, what do i need to do? He's running away, should i tell him or not?". "Well, if that's what you think, then i can't force you to change yourself, right? It's okay, i believe with what you say, i'll find someone that can be the knight, be Allah's soldier which will protect me. That's that, i hope you find someone that you can help to lead. Be stronger, take care, insyaAllah. See you later", she smiled & waved. He smiled back, "Salam, Amirah, thanks, good bye", "Salam, Dan, thanks too". As the knight was moving further & further away, the tears came back again without no red lights to stop them. Suddenly, a Volvo sports car, which was at the right time but at the wrong place, curved straight to a collision with Danial. "Watch out! Danial!...."

               "Where is the mistake in this meeting? What did i do wrong?", she opened her eyes where she was lying on the carpet or 'sejadah' as they say, evidently she also had a dream after her solatul istikharah. "Allah, what sign are You giving to me in that dream? Is it selfish of me to let him go without me giving him a burden? Is it really okay?................

     

Love Story Part Finale Part 1 (A Wish)

Narrated by Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend. {Book 41, Number 4815 : Sunan Abu Dawud}

                   "Yes, come on in, she's been waiting", the guard in charge letting Danial in with his father's old car. "Wow, it's still the same since the last time i came. What should i say to her parents? What do you think, unc?", "Well, how about start with 'salam', then let them know why are you here". With his habit of sweaty palms, his agitation created an intense environment. As he was walking down the huge hallway, a 5-feet retired engineer from a prestigious company shook his hand as a greeting, "Salam, long time no see, doing well? How's here, Malaysia? The humid is not like Australia i suppose". "Laughing in this early morning, is not lively of you honey", intruded his wife. "Here, have some tea, help yourself with the 'karipap', i made them this morning. Well, it's uncle's favorite", "Thanks, dear, you always know how to tackle a husband's heart, Dan, help yourself". Danial nodded nervously as he was dining with two lively lions. "So, what brings you here?"

                     He put down his tea, "Well, the thing is, i have something hat i want to talk about with Amirah, i hope she's free, she said she has no plans for today", break the ice with a smile. "Alright, i'll call her down", "So, in the mean time, i hear you got an interview in my previous company, how did it go?". Meanwhile, in the upper floor, "Mira, Danial is downstairs, waiting for you. He said he has something say. What did you two talk about?", a girl who was staring at the window, cheerfully went downstairs. "Salam, Dan, how's the interview go? Any luck?", "Salam, well, they say i have good points, but they will contact me next week". Amirah sat between her parents, with a calm face she refilled their teas, "Here, you look washed out". "It's ok, i'm here because i want to give you the answer", he stood up, as she and her parents observed keenly. 

                    "What's my love for in this world? Well, after a hard long of analyzing, i'm just lost, because before this i really don't care about love because for me, love is too complicated. My parents didn't really know me, just met me before school & at dinner, well, they're trying to make a living like they say. The only true friend i had since childhood was you, Amirah. Making jokes, scolded me, be there when i fell into the deepest hole, always made me your hero as if i'm superman. I thought that feeling was mutual, as i'm your forever protector. Now, since you went & left me to be with the real 'Protector', i was lost, so i followed you, i want to see this new protector that made you so confident, the side that i've never seen. Now i know, who He is, and i want to know Him with all my heart, so that i can be stronger just like you. My love, is still a mystery that i haven't solve. So, that's my answer, i don't have any more for you. Because i know you will find a better answer, you always one step in front. Okay, so, i'll take my leave now. Sorry for the disturbance. Salam". He maintained his composure & left them.

                    While his uncle caught him with a confuse face imprinted due to his confession, "What are you doing? You came all the way here, to show that you're that weak? Should not be that rash, why didn't....", "I'm sorry, but i've made my mind". "Wait! Let me walk you two out, you really came. As a host, let me", Danial agreed with the young lady's request. "As the daughter of 'the man of the house', i can't refuse". They moved to the car, both of them didn't say a word, while the uncle had a hard time trying to figure out the what to say along the way home. "I hope you'll not regret with your decision. Well, it's been a long time i've seen your serious face, the last time was when you're working hard for your boxing tournament. That's when i fell in love with you". They stopped walking, time froze at that instant. "I thought i was kinda lost for awhile, dreaming like a normal teenager, finding love like they say. But, you were just too dense, you can't see anything but yourself. That's why i tried to find a new protector that can be there with me always. Now, like you said, i did find Him, and He showed me something that you can't, but he wanted me to have someone that can help me along the way. At that time, i thought it was Kamal, but it just doesn't add up, especially when he already got a partner to lead her to the everlasting destiny".

                   "I'm sorry, but i really can't be that guy to lead you, i'm not that strong....", "But....", both of them couldn't move as if there was glue under their shoes. "Well, if that's what you think, then i can't force you to change yourself, right? It's okay, i believe with what you say, i'll find someone that can be the knight, be Allah's soldier which will protect me. That's that, i hope you find someone that you can help to lead. Be stronger, take care, insyaAllah. See you later", she smiled & waved. He smiled back, "Salam, Amirah, thanks, good bye", "Salam, Dan, thanks too". He turned around awhile as the maiden of the house seem further, & further away. Suddenly, a Volvo sports car, which was at the right time but at the wrong place, curved straight to a collision with Danial. "Aaaaargh....".


            "What's wrong with this picture? What did i do wrong?", he woke up on the carpet which is called 'sejadah', a remembrance for he was just finishing his solatul istikharah where he fell asleep right afterwards. "But why would He show me that dream? Is it that wrong to find You before i find her, my soulmate? Is it really okay?................

Love Story Part 13 (The Question)

“Remember Me, and I will remember you, give thanks to Me and do not be ungrateful” (Al-Baqarah: 152).QURAN

             "Really? You're not joking?" laughed a man with a white coat, thinking their laughters & smiles are temporary for that day as the married doctors got the opportunity to be together with old friends. "I'm not playing with you, Kamal, at this one time when i was walking downtown, some crazy girl chase me while playing the guitar. Maybe she was really desperate for money", "So, Danial, did you give any?" the laughs stopped. "I look into her eyes & said 'Here take some, do what you like with it, but please take a bath, it helps to get more, peace upon you', then, i gave & walk away", with no impression, Danial drank his coffee. "Wow, that's cool, so what happen next?", " Well, Dr. Yasmin, the last time i saw her again, she was doing well, new clothes, new songs, & not chasing anybody for that matter". Everyone giggled, seeing the irony of people changing with just a few words of inspiration.

             The tangerine clock took its time to move the arrows from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., accompanying the four friends at the coffee shop adjacent to the hospital. "Danial, 3 years in the Down Under, any great candidates for the future?", "Pardon me? Candidates? I really can't say that i have a chance, i'm just still not confident with me in that situation". Silence came suddenly for that 2 seconds, "Amirah, what about you? You look like you're ready", "Oowh, me, well, let's just say, my parents made me meet a few in their liking, but i just turned them down. Not to my standard", that words made the others broke the silence with small laughs, except for the guy beside her. "Why did you reject them? Are they that bad? I thought your parents have good taste", seeing curiosity overtook Danial, "Well, they didn't give the right answer to my question, so i let them go. Can you give me that answer?", her words shocked the others, as if she was trying to make a request for a 'hand in marriage' scene to his childhood friend. 

                     He tried to make it as a joke, trying to vanish the awkwardness of the air, "i'll take that challenge, what's the question, if i may ask? I'll give you something you can't reject" making a smile out of it. "Well then, what's your love for in this life?", "Hmmm, that's a tough one, right Min. I hope you find the right answer, Danial, i can't help you now",  "Darling, we better go, there's a complication in room 105, nice meeting you two. Salam". "See you later, guys. What can i say, a doctor is like a superman, when there's trouble, there's  us, salam" the last laugh made their departure a memorable one. "I'll walk you to your car, nowadays, people are very aggressive", "Thanks, it's not far though". They both walked down to the parking lot with the sign board 'Visitors's sticking at the side, searching a yellow Toyota sports car which appear to be new based on the plate number.

                     "Well, aren't you going to give the answer? You said you'll hand me an acceptable one. It's ok, you can give me anytime, but before someone else does, or else, i have to accept him of course" she chuckled with a hand covering her mouth while starting the car. "Give me some time, i'll try to make it on time although i always didn't. I'm always one step behind you, maybe this time i could catch up with you", "Well, i'll wait, just come over to the house sometimes, the address is still the same. Okay, i'm going now, i'll pray for your success, insyaAllah, see you soon. Salam, Dan". She reversed the car & move away, while giving a smile, "InsyaAllah, salam, Amirah!". He went back home, feeling happy, but his mind when out of the box, suddenly that question came out, 'What's my love for? In this life?', trying to fill his minds with memories & words, searching his brain for the correct answer. "What's love? Did i even know what's love? How can i have love? Well, love is really complicated, what's mine for?........ 

Love Story Part Intermission

A man asked the Prophet (pbuh) "When will the Hour be established O Allah's Apostle?" The Prophet (pbuh) asked, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "I haven't prepared for it much of prayers or fast or alms, but I love Allah and His Apostle." The Prophet (pbuh) said, "You will be with those whom you love." [Bukhari]

              Salam, some loops in life showed the best of ourselves, some unleashed the darkest side from our heart. That mystery is for ourselves to solve, the world around you is just a factor that help you choose which road is right, & which road is wrong. Even though our steps are walking in the right path, is not certain we're not going to meet another junction. Even though our heart may lead us to the wrong direction, doesn't mean the opportunity to change is impossible. 

                 Some say, "Everyone said i've everything, but why do i feel like i've nothing?" or, "Why can't i go back in time? Why am i here?". These quotes are just some of the questions from people who are stuck in that loops, couldn't see the future, just see the past, couldn't see the peak of the mountain, just see the ground. They are busy thinking to turn back, rather than facing the road head on, they're worrying that the pain would be unbearable. Can this be stop? Can they get help? Are they going to be there until the end?

                  The solution is always there beside us, most of times we can't see it, at that time, the people who're in your circle of life may give you hints. The bigger the circle, the more the people who'll be there to help us in that circle. Sometimes, if you think there aren't people in your circle, you should look again for sometimes you could see the one that never left you since before you were you're born, the one is god, Allah. Sometimes, He will let you see Him, sometimes, He will not. However, if you always remember Him, He will always remember you more. 

                       In life compared to this fictional story, there can be a lot of endings as in life there are many roads, many junctions. For this story, the main character's life, it'll be just 3 roads, 1 question, 3 answers. As they say, life is stranger than fiction, life is temporary, life is a flowing ocean where everyone is on their boats to find their true paradise for their real life. The true ending in this story is actually for the readers to find out in their own life. So, be careful with what choose, be grateful with what you get, try to be better in the future.

Love Story Part 12 (The Last Supper)

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wasallam) said: “He is successful who has accepted Islam, who has been provided with sufficient for his wants and been made contented by Allah with what He has given him.” [Muslim]

            The first that came up in Danial's mind was pouring the water filled with flowers for keeping the graves of the dead in well condition. He took a cab, cancelled his delayed lunch with his cousin, & went straight to the cemetery where his parents rested. Having a hundred in his wallet after forgetting to exchange his australian dollars to ringgits, with not a minute to spare, he managed to sat in front of the two graves, giving his fullest in praying for his parents. The guilt he had for his mistake, as he didn't manage to be there for his parents burial ceremony. That day when he succeed to arrive, everyone was already gone home except for his uncle Mad, short for Ahmad Said, the closest uncle he got. That day, he perished with little hope to move on, being the one left with no siblings, with an empty house. 

            "Dan, don't stop here. You still got your life to take care of, until your last breath, don't ever give up. He will be there, just believe in Him. We will also try to help, that's what family's for" advised his uncle. Danial hugged him, as if he was saved by the words. With that, he went back & refreshed, until  came the time to return. 3 years later, there he was, sitting at the same place, still trying to throw away the sorrow. Suddenly, the ringing of his phone broke the moment, "Salam, yes. Okay, i'm coming home". Drove on to his old house, where his uncle who became the caretaker of the house while he was gone, was waiting for him with his cousins. While passing through the roads & new buildings, made him wonder, "What else i missed in these past years?".

                 "Thank you, i really appreciate the welcome party, thanks a lot", announced the man of the house with a joyful smile. After the others when back, he had a small talk with uncle Mad, making sure he's up to date. "You know, Dan, since you're going to start working at the company that gave you the offer back at Australia, i would greatly recommend you to take your father's car. I tuned it up before you came back, so his in tick top shape. You should start practicing your driving, the system there is different compared to here, so don't try anything stupid", "Sure, unc", they laughed while having some cream caramel made just for Danial by the best chef in the family. 

                  "Wow, just 5 days, but i really get a hang of this. Maybe i would pay a visit to Kamal at the hospital. Where's his number?", said to himself while scrolling down his old contacts. Then, he stumbled on a name which he was familiar with, 'Amirah'. "Ring, ring. Ring, ring", "Maybe she's busy", whispered alone. "Salam, Dan? Are you in Malaysia? How'r you?  Are you busy?", he was stoned for a while, worrying what words would come out. "Salam, yes, i just got back. Actually, i'm not busy at all, the interview for my job is not till Sunday. Are you free? Maybe we could hang out with Kamal at the hospital his working". It was set, there would be a reunion with his old friends, but the future doesn't give any clue, for Danial didn't foresee his destiny going to change......     

Love Story Part 11 (Tears of Happiness)

Narated By AbudDarda' : The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: There is nothing heavier than good character put in the scale of a believer on the Day of Resurrection. [Abu Dawud, Bk 36 Num 4781]

               "One more day, i'm coming home, mom & dad", slow whisper of the heart echoed, moving through his whole body. While he was going through the pictures of his parents in the computer which was sent by them just before the big accident, the tears just rolled down, synchronizing with the rain out of his window. He also scrolled down the new communication website which was popularly called  'Facebook' to find a bunch of his friends' pictures & 'comments' about their new trip together to the 'Kinabalu Mountains' in Sabah. "One more day, i'm coming home, you guys", monologging in his apartment. A lot has passed for the pass a couple of years since his departure to Down Under. In his first 4 months, he managed to show his best in what he loves to do to the education board by winning the annual engineering competition held by the university, while at that time in his hometown, he lost his protectors, his heroes, all because of insensible actions of some bikers who they love to be classified as 'Mat Rempit'. "Allah, thanks for the courage & strength....".


                 Sound of the announcement waved out the huge terminal where people were moving back & forth, trying to find their portal to the required destination. "To all passengers for flight MH124 to Kuala Lumpur, your flight will be delayed, thank you", stated by the woman of the control tower, giving bad news to others including Danial as he was so excited just by thinking he could make it for lunch with one of cousins. "It was not the first time this happen, but why now?" thought alone while reviewing again the new flight time. The first delay was on the day he was going to fly to Australia, where his parents & his friends were there to see him departed except her. He knew she wasn't coming, especially when her huge project was a-thread thick from the deadline. That day was the longest goodbye he made, challenging his patience & his strength to let go.


                       "Hello, sir. Welcome to Malaysia Airlines, would you like some drinks, sir?", "No, thanks", sighed with relief as he managed to comfortably sit & ready to say hello to his mother land. "When you come back, call me, we should get together sometime, if you're free...", "Sure, Amirah. I'll let you know". A lot of changes took their places in his life, beside the tragedy were the joyful ones, Shafiq, his best friend got his first baby who is a  boy, the other one was Halim's wedding which was held in hawaii, the day he had his finals for his second year. His cousins who were his disciples during his high school years, one of them worked in a multilevel company in exportation & importation of car engines, the other two got to Ireland & United Kingdom doing medicine & accountancy respectively. "They grew up so fast, even over pass me, i've thought them well", he chuckled by himself after reading the e-mails he got from his cousins, while the other passengers  were quietly dozing off in the 8 hours journey.  


                          He also opened an e-mail from Kamal who just ended his degree in medicine at Russia, going to do his housemanship in Kuala Lumpur Hospital with his wife. "Thanks for the advise, it really helped me changed...", his tears rolled down again, with a happy face that time as the tears accompanied him to sleep. At that time he managed to sleep all the way, skipping lunch which was postponed due to heavy turbulence by the bad weather in the northern part of Australia. "Sir, Sir. Sorry for the delay, what do you want for your lunch?", "Could you give me awhile to think, thanks", the stewardess walked away, leaving him a choice to make to suit his appetite. " Is it time for solat zohor? Where's the window? .....